


Rules and Regulations

by beetlebee



Category: Naruto
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Humor, KakaObi Week 2019, M/M, RIP hokage hat, Sappy, Shikamaru isn't paid enough to deal with this, a cameo from the tent of tranquility, benevolent scheming, juubito au, juubito being juubito
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 00:09:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17652338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beetlebee/pseuds/beetlebee
Summary: Obito’s behaved well so far, he thinks. He’s trying to hold his tongue, keep his head down, keep to himself, he really is. This is Kakashi’s career and reputation on the line. Obito needs to do the right thing, and not fuck it up. He’s not about to make waves.That resolve lasts about 20 minutes. Kakashi ought to be impressed with his restraint, Obito reasons, as he phases clear through to the records room. ‘Doing the right thing’ is a matter of perspective.----(Juubito takes over as Hokage for the day. It goes as well as can be expected.)





	Rules and Regulations

**Author's Note:**

> For Kakaobi Week Day 2: Hokage Obito

“I’m sorry, what,” says Shikamaru.

Shikamaru knows that Kakashi knows for a fact that Shikamaru heard him. He’s just trying to give Kakashi an out, which he also knows Kakashi isn’t going to take.

“My husband will take over while I’m gone,” Kakashi repeats, easy as anything.

Shikamaru closes his eyes for a long moment, and opens them again. “I want to hope you’re joking, but I’ve worked for you for too long to hope.”

“Maa, what’s the problem? You told me to pick someone, and I did.”

“The optics alone—”

“We have a program for employing reformed criminals,” Kakashi points out. “This could be something nice for Obito to learn, to push him along into gainful employment.”  

Considering Obito’s revelled as a glorified house-husband for the past seven years according to the _many_ stories Kakashi likes to share (“Here’s a picture of some omurice Obito made for me; isn’t the eye design in the ketchup so cute~”), Shikamaru can smell the bullshit from where he’s standing.

He decides on blunt. “I don’t believe you.”

“I’m Hokage!” Kakashi responds blithely. “I can pick who I want!”

Shikamaru eyes a particularly firm section of wall he’s considering bashing his head against.

Kakashi waves a hand. “Maa, none of that, now. But listen, Shikamaru, it’s been seven years, hasn’t it? He’s been a model citizen.”

Shikamaru just glances out the window at the Forest of Death, which is 70% larger than it used to be.

“Mostly. Nothing wrong with added aggressive greenery,” Kakashi amends. “And haven’t you heard of, hm, moving forward?” he asks, scratching his chin with an eye-smile. He laughs a little, and stares out the window at the monument. “It was his dream, after all, and it became his dream for me. And I, well, I want him to share that with me, if only for a couple days.” He sighs, wistful.

It’s really been seven years already; seven to the day exactly if counting from Obito’s emergence from his voluntary stint at T&I. It’s surreal to think they could get to this point; some things from that final war will always be burned in him, but other parts have faded, eased by peace and penance and time. Shikamaru sighs in turn, knowing he’s giving in. Not that he had hope to change Kakashi’s mind to begin with. “This idea is absolutely terrible. But I’ll back you up on it, if only to mitigate the damage.”

“Then we’re in agreement. I knew I could count on you,” Kakashi responds with a wink, cheering up far to quickly. “Everything will go perfectly fine, you’ll see.”

Shikamaru just eyes that section of wall again. Troublesome.

\----

“What,” says Obito, pausing to look up from his still-baking quiche.

“You heard me,” Kakashi smiles, pulling his mask down around his neck and setting his robe across the back of a chair.

“Me, as Hokage?” Obito asks, flat. That sounds like a terrible idea.

“Don’t get too excited, now,” Kakashi replies, his smile never wavering. “And it’s just for a couple days.”

“Why the hell would you—”

“I trust you,” Kakashi says simply, stopping Obito in his tracks. Those words always make Obito shiver, his tails furrow involuntarily. He can’t imagine how Kakashi ever trusts him, even after so many years, after all the things he’s done. He’s come to something of an internal equilibrium, an understanding with Datara, but seven years can’t possibly outweigh a lifetime of unspeakable crimes.

“I trust you,” Kakashi repeats, pulling Obito from his thoughts.

“You trust me,” Obito says, and he hates how he always sounds so surprised by it.

“Mmhm,” Kakashi hums, as he always does. He slides into Obito’s arms, his eyes slipping shut. They stand there in the kitchen, rocking together for a few silent minutes in the dimming light.

Obito runs through it in his head. Part of him hates the idea; Kakashi tries and tries so much and is still stymied by a system that’s dug its heels too far in, and has tried to break him time over. Now is a time of supposed peace, of renewal, but there are days that bend Kakashi too far. Those are the days when Obito holds him through the night. Those are the days when the forest grows.

But. Part of Obito still holds onto that childish idealism, that the position of Hokage means something. He’s being given a once-impossible chance, he realizes. He can step into Kakashi’s place, and maybe he can make a difference with the time he’s got, however small.

And... Kakashi chose him. He _trusts_ Obito to take the hat.

“I’ll do it,” He finally murmurs into Kakashi’s hair. “I’ll be Hokage for you.”

Kakashi looks up into Obito’s eyes, the way no one else in Konoha does, his own eyes crinkling at the corners. “I know you can do it,” he replies, gentle.

“We can do it,” repeats Obito. Datara says words of self affirmation are important.

“And I trust you to _do the right thing,"_ Kakashi stresses, holding Obito’s gaze for a beat way too long.

Obito squints down at his husband. “...What are you up to,” he finally asks, suspicious.

Kakashi kisses Obito on the corner of his mouth. “Don’t worry. Just be the best Hokage you can be. Both of you.”

\----

Obito doesn’t exactly need to sleep, but he likes these quiet moments in bed with Kakashi. He likes that he gets to watch Kakashi in his safe spaces, that he’s allowed to lurk within them.

Kakashi seems to like it too. He never says, because of course he doesn’t, but he never complains about how creepy Obito is being, either.

Obito might not stay in bed all night, but after seven years, he’s got good sense on the best moment to crawl back in. It’s in those minutes before dawn breaks; Kakashi, not quite awake, stretches wide with a shiver and sharply curls into himself, taking Obito ‘round the middle with him. Obito never knew how much of a cuddler Kakashi was, and suspects he wasn’t always this obnoxious about it, but Obito sinks into his touch every night he can. This night is no different, with Kakashi throwing himself and the comforter over Obito before burrowing in.

“Mmrnng,” Kakashi mumbles from under the covers a half hour later, his leg slung up across Obito’s hip this time, and his head buried under Obito’s chin.

“That position can’t be good for your back,” Obito comments.

A hand drifts out from under the comforter and pokes Obito’s bottom lip. “Shhh, it’s comfy.”

Obito grabs Kakashi’s fingers, and pulls the comforter down with another hand. “You have to get up, as much as I’d like to keep you here for myself,” Obito teases. 

Kakashi wriggles his fingers in Obito’s grip. “Maa, is that so? I think my guard would find us before long. Do you plan to steal me away instead?” he asks with a playful, if sleepy, lilt to his voice.

Obito know it’s a joke, but. It’s always so tempting. Years earlier, Obito might have, could have. He can go anywhere. Nothing alive can possibly stop him. The only thing that had kept Obito here, in this world, was Kakashi. Most days, it still is. But Obito didn’t have Kakashi’s trust then, and had already shaken the foundations of his love to the very brink. Why Kakashi _still_ loved him, despite everything—

Besides, Kakashi still loves Konoha, somehow, and cares for all the people in it. Obito couldn’t—can’t bring himself to hurt Kakashi again by taking him away from it.

But Obito can hear Datara hissing an enthusiastic and intoxicating _yesss,_ like always, and Obito sometimes wonders if Kakashi isn’t joking.

“Would you like me to steal you away?” Obito asks instead, trying to make it sound just as playful.

Kakashi giggles. “This just in: Hokage abdicates his duties to elope with his lover; can you imagine the scandal?”

“Even though we’re already married,” Obito points out.

“How especially scandalous, then,” Kakashi purrs, leaning up to kiss Obito. Obito lets him in, gives himself over to the kiss. He believes, for a single, wild moment, that they really could just whirl away in a sea of leaves—

But Kakashi pulls back, slow and reluctant. “Maa, I might as well get ready,” he sighs along Obito’s lips, blowing the thought away.  

\----

“Here’s a dirty secret,” Kakashi stage whispers, tugging on his robe an hour later, “my assistants build my tardiness into my schedule, but sometimes I’m _extra late.”_

Obito huffs a laugh. “How anyone lets you get away with that still…”

Kakashi shrugs. “It’s my thing at this point.” He reaches out and curls his little finger around Obito’s own. “And maybe I’m fond of it.”

“If that’s the case, my horribly late husband,” Obito reels Kakashi back in, “Group Hug?”

Kakashi goes easily. “Yeah.”

This technique took Obito _forever_ to learn. Really, it was more learning to cooperate with the source of his chakra that was the exercise in patience. An explosive, painful exercise.

(At least using the Forest of Death as a chakra dumping ground had it looking better than ever, _thank you.)_

Obito’s hands glow as they curl to embrace Kakashi in their dim bedroom, an aura of pale light blooming between them. This method of chakra replenishing probably isn’t the healthiest idea; long term exposure to bijuu chakra may or may not do strange things to a person. Kakashi always laughs it off, saying he hasn’t grown horns yet, but Obito knows Sakura will find a way to beat both of them into the dirt if she ever finds out. Still, it makes Obito feel better, like he’s doing his part to keep Kakashi safe. He can hold onto a piece of Rin too this way, to include and honor her in his newfound life.

In these moments, it’s like she’s right there with them, guiding Obito’s hands to help instead of harm.

Obito _also_ likes the way it makes Kakashi wriggle and shiver every time. He squeezes Kakashi tight once before finally letting go. “If you need me—“

“You’ll find me before I even realize,” Kakashi teases. Which, okay, Obito may have freaked out _once_ from sensing Kakashi’s sharp flux in chakra all the way over in Grass. He materialized into Kakashi’s inn room, terrifying a would-be assassin, though he also terrified all of Kakashi’s guard.

“Oh,” Kakashi adds, trotting over to the closet. “Before I go... here!” he chirps, holding up one of his stuffy long robes.

“No,” Obito refuses. “Absolutely not.”  

Kakashi wriggles the robe out in front of him. “You want to look the part, right?”

“I’m not wearing that.”

“But it’s a vital part of a Hokage’s duties to wear the Tent of Tranquility,” Kakashi intones, with a solemnity that is steeped in bullshit.

Obito bares his teeth at him. “God, never call it that again.”

“Everyone calls it that,” Kakashi insists.

“I don’t believe you,” Obito counters without hesitating.

Kakashi sighs like he’s destined for the theatre. “Why do people keep telling me that lately? And you insult my robe, too. So rude.”

“How can you ever forgive me,” Obito deadpans.

“Hmm,” Kakashi taps his chin like he’s thinking hard, “I _might_ be willing to overlook it if you give me enough goodbye kisses to compensate.”

They’re another hour late.

 ----

Shikamaru drums his fingers against his arm, itching for a cigarette. He’s beyond used to Kakashi’s loose interpretation of time, and shouldn’t be surprised Obito is just as late. Nor that they both ascribe to the even looser interpretation of what constitutes as a door.

That said, he doesn’t exactly expect Obito to _phase directly_ into the office without warning. Neither do the assistants, if the choked off gasps and instinctive fumbling for weapons are any indication.

“Good morning, um, sir,” greets one of the assistants, gamely tucking the kunai back up her sleeve.

Obito doesn’t speak, but instead zeroes in on the desk in the center of the room. He touches his hand along the surface, and walks around the expanse. He settles into the chair in one smooth motion, his presence spreading out into the office with confidence, like he always belonged there. In another, far, far distant life, Shikamaru can almost imagine he really could be Hokage.

Obito then frowns at the spare Hokage hat sitting in the middle of the desk. He picks it up, squinting at it. He starts to place it on his head, but the horns stop it from setting properly. He pulls it off, frowning harder at it.

“Sir,” one of the assistants tries, “you don’t have to wear it—”

But before anyone can stop him, Obito slams the hat onto his head, his horns piercing clean through it. “There,” he says, tilting it back, tearing even bigger holes in the top, “that’s better.”

Then he looks up, and blinks at the stunned silence of the room. “Oh, good morning,” he greets, as if just realizing he has an audience.

“Do… do we have another spare hat?” an assistant whispers to Shikamaru. Shikamaru considers the pros and cons of going off on a smoke break, preferably in another country.

\----

Obito’s behaved well so far, he thinks. He’s trying to hold his tongue, keep his head down, keep to himself, he really is. This is Kakashi’s career and reputation on the line. Obito needs to do the right thing, and not fuck it up. He’s not about to make waves.

That resolve lasts about 20 minutes. Kakashi ought to be impressed with his restraint, Obito reasons, as he phases clear through to the records room. ‘Doing the right thing’ is a matter of perspective. 

He phases back, stacking his finds until he has a teetering pile of files next to the desk. He may or may not be encouraging it to stay upright with murmured suggestions of defied gravity.

He opens the first folder. “Let me know what you think,” he murmurs to Datara, whose whispers of intrigue and constant questions spur him on in his new project.

He only breaks from his concentration when Sakura stomps into the office, halfway through the morning. “Why did he have to leave _now_ , of all times?”

Obito just blinks at her. He has a split second of instinctive panic from what he and Kakashi did this morning, but it dissipates when she takes her frustration out on a chair instead of him.

“Did you need something?” Obito asks, watching her kick a few more things.

“Yeah! I need Kakashi-sensei for this!” she shouts, tossing down a file stuffed with papers. “I have a proposal I need to present to the Council before they meet _Sensei_ to finalize the yearly budget, and he up and goes on that trip before he can help me!”

Obito picks up the folder. “I’ll be covering that meeting. What exactly do you need?”

She side-eyes him for second, but begins to explain, “This is a proposal for branching out a network of children’s therapy centers into neighboring countries. I need to somehow negotiate at least 60% coverage of total overhead costs through the village. I have a plan to cover some costs myself, but a taking out a loan any higher than 40% means I can’t beat out interest payments.”

Obito frowns. “Why the hell would you accept 60% grant coverage when you can get 100%?”

Sakura blinks. “One hundred—are you joking?”

“No?” Obito says, quirking an eyebrow. “I looked at the proposed fiscal budget first thing this morning. Swap some allocated percentages around and it’s completely feasible.”

“You really can do that,” she says in slight disbelief, but there’s a glint in her eye.

He shrugs. “Today, I’m the Hokage.” 

Sakura stares at him for a long, long moment. “...I don’t like you most days, but I like you today.”

Well. Good. Maybe she’ll go easy on him if she ever finds out about the chakra thing.

“Are you planning to join the meeting?” Obito asks.

“Are you inviting me?” she counters. Obito nods, and the glint in her eyes grows. “Let me go find someone to cover my shift,” she says. “I’m not going to miss this.”

 ----

Shikamaru watches Sakura sprint out of the office and down the hall. “Hey Shikamaru,” she calls out absently, “be right back!” while running past him. She jumps down the far staircase in one bound, shaking the building’s foundation like an earthquake.

“Do I want to know what that’s about?” Shikamaru asks as he walks in and shuts the door behind him.

“Oh, I’m granting her 100% coverage for her program’s network expansion,” Obito comments, not looking up from his scribbling. 

Shikamaru is going to jump out a window at this rate. “You can’t just promise that.”

Obito shrugs a shoulder. “She made a compelling argument.”

“ _You can’t just promise that_ ,” Shikamaru stresses, as if repeating himself can possibly make a difference.

“She _deserves_ it,” Obito stresses back.

“And where are you pulling that funding from? Thin air?” But then he spots the files on the desk, what Obito’s scribbling actually is, and the pieces fall into place. “You... reshuffled our entire budget,” Shikamaru realizes. “In one morning.”

Obito gives him a flat look. “It was _terrible_. It would make Kakuzu cry. If he was alive. Or if he could even cry. I don’t think he had any real body fluids by the end of it.”

Shikamaru rubs his temples, ignoring that tangent. “Listen, as much as you’re enjoying your ingenuity, the Hokage _does_ have to answer to certain committees about large projects like this.”

“But _does_ he have to?” Obito mutters to himself, or maybe he mutters to the Juubi. Shikamaru doesn’t want to guess. There’s a weird glint in Obito’s eyes, though, that’s a mix of Kakashi’s calculating, and something else. Something familiar.

Oh. It’s a look Shikamaru's only seen on Naruto, moments before he’s unleashing one of his outrageous ideas. And the combination on Obito is _absolutely terrifying_.

Someone raps on the door and opens it. “Sir! The Council is here for the budget meeting!” they call out.

“Bring them in,” Obito calls back over Shikamaru, a worrying ripple of chakra spreading out from where he sits at his desk. “We have a lot to discuss.” 

Sakura takes that moment to jog back in. “Am I late?” she asks, a breathless smile on her face and a wicked gleam in her eyes that matches Obito’s.

Shikamaru turns on his heel and walks out the door. Tea Country must have excellent cloud coverage this time of year.

\----

One earthquake of a meeting later, Sakura takes her time walking back to work, a bounce in her step. The new herb plants sprouting up along the main road all the way to the hospital are a nice look, she thinks.

\----

“Oh, hey Obito!” Naruto greets, wandering in that afternoon for Hokage training. Naruto, unlike nearly every other human being on this planet, treats Obito like they’re friends. But then again, Naruto does that to everyone.

Datara, meanwhile, is offended by Naruto on a fundamental level, or rather, by Kurama. The fox’s mere existence is still a sore point that sets off a decent hour of very angry noises in Obito’s head. Not that Kurama likely holds a single cell of love for them, either. Bijuu and their grudges.

Obito tunes out the cacophonous hissing of his bodymate and back to whatever Naruto is babbling about.

“—and Shikamaru just kinda left, maybe on some important mission or something? So I guess that means we’ll be working together by ourselves today, huh? and—”Naruto snickers into his hand as he drags a corner chair screeching across the floor, “—real nice look with the hat! Very pointy. But you better fix it later, you know!”

“Hm.” Obito makes no promises to that, eyeing the latest track of scratches in the wood floor.

Naruto sets up his little space next to Obito, spreading a few of the day’s stack of papers out in front of him. He makes a show of stretching, loudly, and then curls up into the chair with a sigh to get to work.

After a few minutes, Obito hears another sigh. So, he can’t help but stare at Naruto out of the corner of his eye; the kid keeps sketching doodles in the margins of his papers he’s supposed to sort and file, in between squinting too hard at the words and even _more_ sighing.

He watches Naruto scratch at his head and sigh for a solid half-hour, before he finally blurts out, “Why are you here?”

Naruto directs his squinting up at Obito. “Huh?”

“Why are you here, in Konoha?” Obito asks again.

Naruto gives him a weirded out look. “I live here? What kind of question is that?”

“I don’t get it. I don’t get you,” Obito continues. “You talk about revolution, and peace. You really think you can make it stick sitting behind a desk? Do you think you can break the rules of this role when you barely understand them?”

“Wha—hey! I’d figure it out!” Naruto defends.  

“I just watched you take twenty minutes to ‘figure out’ how to file _one_ mission form. You’re doomed,” Obito deadpans.

“Fuck off! This is hard, ok?”

“You talked me and the _Ten-Tails_ out of world domination,” Obito points out, as much as it stings. Datara is hissing like crazy at the slight, but Obito’s trying to make a point here. They’ll forgive him. Maybe. “You can change the minds of entire nations, and yet you’re struggling at this desk. That just tells me,” he continues lowly, “that you don’t really want to do this.” 

“Shut up! Then why are _you_ here, huh?” Naruto shoots back as he leaps up from his chair, knocking a stack of papers off the desk as he goes. “If you’re just gonna insult my dream, you gotta tell me why _you’re_ here!”

Obito could stay silent, refuse to bare himself open. But it’s Naruto. He’s owed it.

He grips the lip of the hat. “I know why I’m here. I know what I’m here for,” Obito says, standing up, pulling off the hat as he goes. He looks down at it in his hands, at the holes, at the pale green of his skin so sharp against the broken red. “I had one dream for a long time; I did everything, _anything_ , to achieve it.”

He tosses the hat without warning at Naruto, who startles but catches it. “But it wasn’t the right dream; it was flawed from the start, and I had to relearn my place in the world.” Obito continues. “I realized my ‘village,’ my world, is now all in someone precious.”

“Your world?” Naruto asks, looking down at the hat and back up at Obito. “You mean—”

“My world defines my dream. Who is it for you?” Obito asks, quiet. “Who is your world?” 

“That’s _Konoha_ ; that’s everybody here!” Naruto insists, setting it upright and to the side. “I love everybody! I have Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei and Sakura and Sasuke and—um, and—” Naruto looks down at his cactus doodles and stutters to a halt. He blinks several times, fixated on it, and Obito can see something click. Naruto’s eyes widen and he slumps back into his chair. _“Oh.”_

Obito sits back down with him, and lets the silence of that revelation rest. But then Naruto bursts out laughing, covering up his ears. “Kurama just screamed, _‘Finally_ !’” he gasps out in explanation. “And oi, you’re the one that’s damn loud, you fuzzball!” he shouts to empty air. “Oh and _I’m_ slow, says the jerk who naps 20 hours a day. Yeah, yeah, whatever, I know.” Then he snickers again. “Kurama also vowed to wish a slightly less painful death on you two. He’s such a goofball.”

“I hear the feeling’s mutual,” Obito states dryly, and Naruto just laughs at him.

“Being Hokage was my dream for so long,” Naruto finally admits, sobering, “but dreams can change, huh?”

“Mine did,” Obito replies. “For the better, most would say.”

“Yeah,” Naruto grins. “But, wait, who would be Hokage?” he asks, furrowing his brows. “I _know_ Sensei doesn’t want to do it forever.”

Obito thinks as he stacks all his notes from the day together, and then grins himself. “Don’t worry about it; we have someone in mind.”

\----

“ _One day,_ ” Shikamaru says, shaking his head as he wanders in from wherever he was hiding the next morning. “You’ve only had the hat for _one day_.” 

“But I take it you’re not that surprised about Naruto,” Obito comments, eying the morning schedule as Sakura is sitting over on the battered couch, ironing out details for her program’s logistics. Kakashi will be back sometime today, but that doesn’t mean Obito has to half-ass it.

Shikamaru sighs. “The writing was on the wall for that one. You’ve made some absolutely ridiculous moves, and I smoked through three packs yesterday from your bullshit, but I can admit they aren’t the worst ideas.”

“Sorry about that,” Obito says, not actually all that sorry.

Shikamaru flicks some ash into a tray. “Please. You are still not nearly as troublesome as your husband.”

“Uh, interim Hokage-sama,” says one assistant, “sorry to interrupt, but we have a situation. A representative for the Daimyo arrived just now.”

Iruka steps through the door, arms crossed and irritated. “It’s unprofessional and uncalled for, sending someone like this without warning.”

“It’s likely a set-up,” Shikamaru points out, and Obito agrees. Someone must have tattled to the Daimyo, which shouldn’t come as a surprise. Kakashi will need to do something about that, if Obito doesn’t find the source first. 

“It might not go well, but we can try to turn him away,” Iruka offers, “say there’s a schedule conflict—”

“It’s _fine_ ,” says Obito, failing to stop it from coming out as a hiss. “Let him up.”

Shikamaru eyes him, and Obito stares evenly back. This is Obito’s fault. He can handle this. He promised Kakashi.

The representative to the Daimyo arrives a few minutes later, holding an aura as if he’s deserving of fanfare.

Obito admirably keeps the loathing out of his voice, but he doesn’t bother with titles. “It’s never a good idea to surprise shinobi. To what do we owe the unannounced visit?” 

The representative sniffs. “I see it’s as much as circus here as I feared, considering that joke of a fiscal budget I’ve heard so much about.”

“A _joke_?” Sakura bristles from her seat, her hands clenching into fists. “Have you even looked at it? It’s an entirely feasible amendment—”

“—An amendment which cannot possibly be taken seriously, not when this village lets a criminal _beast_ play house,” he interrupts, his tone altogether dismissive. This man must think he’s Kakashi’s pet, under the thumb of Konoha’s control. What an indescribable mistake on his part.

“Why am I not surprised,” Obito starts, beyond done with this asshole, “that you’re such a fucking idiot.”

“Excuse me?” the representative asks, affronted.  

“People like you are why _true_ peace will never happen as it stands,” Obito states. “Not with a political system that rewards and is entirely too comfortable with the status quo, which finds any excuse it possibly can to limit innovation.”

“You suggest devolving into anarchy,” the man sneers. “How fitting for your station.”

“What needs to happen is progress!” Obito demands. “Progress you are all-too-willing to dismiss!”

“Progress? Where will that come from when you’ve lost this village its next candidate? Our nation’s war hero?”

Obito doesn’t hesitate. “Haruno Sakura is by far worthy of becoming the next Hokage.” He hears her soft gasp at the words. “If you will not accept change from people like her, then when will you?”

But it falls on deaf ears. “I’m ending this farce. On behalf of the Daimyo, I formally denounce your play-acting as interim Hokage.”

Obito says nothing to that, though Datara is simmering, seething at the infantilizing words to what is all but a living god. Obito keeps them at bay; he knew this would happen. He knows he’s the monster, but this worm’s opinion doesn’t matter.

“Maybe we can all calm down and talk this out—” Iruka tries.

The man is undeterred. “And by extension, we have serious doubts as to the current mental capacity of Hokage Hatake Kakashi—”

Obito’s face goes blank as his chakra spikes. The representative freezes, unable to even take a step back, his face contorted in open terror. Good, he should be scared.

“You—you can’t—” the man starts.

Obito bares his teeth. He draws up to his full height, a ring of fire flickering around his shoulders. “ _You insult us. You insult our husband. You insult our world._ ”

Distantly, Obito hears Shikamaru groan, “Oh for fuck’s sake,” but he can’t begin to care; he gives in, gives over to Datara. He trusts they’ll do what’s _right_ as a tidal wave of flowers explodes behind his eyes.

\----

Kakashi hums a little on the road back to Konoha. Leaving always exhausts him, with how much he misses Obito. Still, he hopes his husband had fun while he was gone. 

About a kilometer out, Kakashi spots the the silhouette of Sasuke in the treeline. “Such nice timing, Sasuke,” Kakashi says, as his cute former student drops down to the dirt path in front of them. He then opens his arms wide. “It’s been so long! Come and take a moment to greet me in the Tent of Tranquility.”

Sasuke gives Kakashi a look like he’s planning to push Kakashi into the nearest river, but acquiesces to a glancing hug before stepping just out of Kakashi’s reach again.

“I heard about your replacement,” Sasuke finally comments.

“Is that right?” Kakashi wonders what else has already trickled through the grapevine. “Walk with me, and we can talk in my office.”

As they pass through the gate, Kakashi idly notes the explosion of foliage along the streets. He eyes the large, lazy spirals of leaves and pollen and hums to himself. That’s new, but not entirely unwelcome. Konoha could use some new scenery. Case in point, as his envoy reaches the Administration building. It’s now entirely green, coated from bottom to top in fluttering moss.

One of his guard goes to place a hand on his shoulder. “Sir, you should wait here—”

Kakashi dodges the hand, not breaking his stride. “We can’t keep everyone waiting, can we?” He pushes open the main door as the moss retreats at his touch. He calls out, “Sorry I’m late, everyone,” greeting the front desk, “a black cat crossed our path in Ame and—”

“Hokage-sama!? OH THANK GOD,” shrieks one of the admin assistants, pulling a clipboard from a snarl of vines. “You have to do something!”

“Oh?” Kakashi asks.  

“It’s the representative from the Daimyo!” she hisses, as Iruka staggers down the stairs through a row of pink rose bushes.

Kakashi blinks. “A representative, here?” He never heard anything about that on schedule.

“Believe us, it was a surprise visit,” Iruka adds in, acerbic, brushing off the petals from his jacket. He then winces. “He might have—well, he upset your husband.”

Kakashi peeks up at the tall grass growing straight out of the ceiling. Upset is an understatement. “Ah, then allow me,” he says, striding across the foyer for the staircase. The roses bow, giving way as Kakashi makes his way up the stairs, Sasuke following close behind him.

His office doors look impossible to pass, with the literal forest standing before it. But the trees practically jump aside for Kakashi, vines touching gentle along his hand as he grasps the handle and pushes open the door. At first glance, his office looks completely empty. Where—? He looks to his left, and down. Ah. The gravity’s gone sideways, his desk and bookcases upside down where they’re laying on the far wall.

He eyes the angry branches growing from every surface, the floating cherry blossoms, the hissing pale chakra spiraling through the room, and the shouting match embroiling half his team as they stick out halfway through the wall.  

Shikamaru is sighing, trying to keep his lit cigarette from flying away from him. “Troublesome; Obito, you’re going to throw everyone outside into outer space at this rate—”

“ _SHHHAAAAAASSSSSS_ —” Obito intelligently counters, tails whipping around.

The man who must be the representative is shrieking as branches tighten around his body. “See! See! He’s nothing but a mindless monster—”

Sakura shouts back, swinging an arm at him, “YOU SHUT UP—”

“So,” Kakashi begins, looking down at them from where he’s standing on the floor, “did everyone behave while I was gone?”

They freeze. Obito startles at Kakashi, or maybe it’s Datara too, staring unblinking with slitted pupils like a cat. Kakashi just waits. A beat, and everyone oozes out of the wall. The gravity eases back to normal, Kakashi’s furniture none-too-gently sliding along the wall, the corners taking out gouges in the wallpaper.

They climb to the ground while the representative drops to an unceremonious heap on the floor, and Kakashi notes no one offers to help him up.

Obito doesn’t look entirely ready to be verbal yet, so Kakashi tries someone else. “Maa, what’s new, Sakura?”    

“I’m… I might be in line next as the Hokage now?” Sakura offers, bewildered, as she uprights the desk with one hand.   

Kakashi hums a little, noncommittal, and glances about the room. “And where’s Naruto?”

“Here,” Sasuke thrusts a folded note at Kakashi. “We crossed paths, earlier.”

Kakashi opens the note and reads:

_Hey Sensei!_

_Off on the road of life to follow my new dream! Or maybe it was my dream for a while now? Ino says Sakura looks better in red, anyway. See ya!_

_P.S. - I’ll be in Suna if you want to say hi!_

_Love, Naruto_

Kakashi folds the note back in half. “Maa, is that so?” he says, his face giving away nothing. “And you didn’t stop him?”

Sasuke shrugs. With that, the guard erupts:

“Sir, this must be a prank—”

“Hokage-sama, we can put a team together to bring Naruto back—”

“Ino makes a decent point,” Kakashi interrupts. He flips the hat of the top of his head with a little spin and plops it onto Sakura’s head. “Red does suit you.”

Sakura slowly reaches up a hand to touch the top of the hat. “I’m the Hokage now?” she repeats, dazed.

The representative stumbles to his feet. “Hokage-sama!” he shouts to Kakashi, “Never in my life have I seen such a horrendous display of leadership, or experienced such wretched treatment!”

Kakashi raises an eyebrow. “What did you expect? Did you know it’s rude to drop in unannounced, especially on shinobi? You might force them to defend themselves in creative ways.”

The man sputters. “I’ll have your role for this—”

“HEY!” Sakura slams her fist on the desk with an almighty crack. “ _Excuse you_! _I’m_ the Hokage now!” she hollers. “Kakashi-sensei! You two go somewhere else for two weeks—a month! However long you want! Anywhere else!” She cracks her knuckles, her mouth in a grim set line. “We have a lot to _discuss_.”

Kakashi takes Obito by the shoulder and guides him out of the office, the doors slamming shut behind him as the shouts begin again. Obito blinks at the closed door, finally coming to. He turns his head to look at Kakashi. “Did we just get us exiled?”

Kakashi pulls down his mask, leans up, and kisses Obito’s cheek with a loud smack. “You both did absolutely perfect.”

Obito blinks at him. “We did?”

Kakashi nods as he pulls his mask back up. “You did.” His eyes crinkle with unrestrained delight.

Kakashi _also_ delights in watching the moment Obito’s face turns to outrage, how his face flushes to orange. “You—you did that all _on purpose_ , you absolute asshole. The shit budget, the Council meeting, _Naruto_ —”

“In my defense, the Daimyo representative _was_ a surprise. And picking Sakura was simply brilliant, Obito.”

“Like it could be anyone else,” Obito snorts. “And please, you could have done all of that yourself.”

“No.” Kakashi squeezes Obitos hands. “No, I wanted to live up to your dream, but it needed the push I didn’t know how to make, and that was all you. You in the end did in days what I couldn’t in years.”

Obito squeezes back. “Shut up, Bakashi, my dream is standing right in front of me. You’re the one who’s brilliant.”

“I am, aren’t I?” Kakashi preens, obnoxious, though the beginnings of a blush give him away.

“A brilliant _shithead_ ,” Obito amends. “Why did I ever agree to marry you?”

Kakashi smiles as he threads their fingers together. “Maybe I have to remind you, and convince you to marry me again. Tell me, how many scandals can we start in one day?”

Obito holds his breath at the words. Does he mean—

“How about it, Obito?” Kakashi asks one more time, “would you like to steal me away?”

Obito steps into Kakashi’s space, into his world, and laughs, happy and _free_. “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you to ask?”


End file.
